Hello, and welcome to my personal spin on HOT or NOT for the week. This is a list of movies I’ve watched/books I’ve read/things I’ve tried that made me happy or made me want to confront certain actors about poor career choices.

The Night of the Gun, by David Carr - Eh. It was enlightening (I learned how crack cocaine is made), but I wouldn’t read it again. David Carr seems to be a good writer, if a little pretentious, but despite the premise – he conducted research and did interviews with people who knew him while he was a junkie – it didn’t stand out from any other addiction memoir I’ve read.

Aveeno Active Naturals Body Wash – I got the pomegranate and rice exfoliating stuff, and it is AWESOME. Normally I don’t like fruity smells (unless accompanied by actual fruit) but this one wasn’t overwhelming, and the scrub itself wasn’t too rough for my skin. I was noticeably softer even before adding lotion. Recommend!

The Last Song – Miley Cyrus starred in this movie, which I guess was supposed to be a cross between a romantic comedy and a drama, heavy on the drama. While I like her voice, her acting was pretty pitiful. Or maybe I just find her annoying in general, I’m not really sure. Anyway, it helps when a film (especially the romantic variety) has a man so hot you want to rip your clothes off and climb through the screen compelling male lead, and I’m sorry to say Liam Hemsworth is sadly lacking both charm and good looks – at least in my humble opinion. Lead characters aside, the movie was predictable, which can sometimes be appreciated but not in this particular case.

Soooo. Clearly my week has been HIGHLY productive. It’s not as though I had a lot of time to browse the beauty section at Walmart or lay around watching bad imitations of movies. How has your week been?

I’ve spent the last week and a half not eating and sleeping incessantly. Oh yes, and working. My boss is on vacation, which means I’m temporarily in charge – sort of. I mean, as much as one CAN be in charge in my work environment. If I were really in charge, I’d be kicking a few asses and taking a few names regarding a few issues. Which is neither here nor there.

I’m stressed. Stressed over the changes I’m trying to make in my life (college – yay! and EEEK!), mostly. SPSCC is taking their sweet time with my transcripts (10 business days is unreasonable when you have the attention span of a fruit fly), and I have a desperate need to know if I’m as smart as I hope I am. Or was. Or something.

Instead of dealing with my anxiety by opening my jaw and hoovering all available food in the vacinity, which by now you should all recognize as my usual coping strategy, I’ve been buying books. Seems healthy on the surface, doesn’t it? Harmless, even!

The question is, how many is too many? I want to say there’s no such thing as too many books, but I’m positive my budget would say otherwise. If I consulted my budget in this matter, which…HAH!

Let’s see. In the past month – maybe even three weeks – I’ve purchased a total of…nevermind. The actual number isn’t important. A lot, it’s safe to assume. I’ll read them all, and probably love them all. And the one from the Barnes & Noble bargain bin doesn’t count. So there.

I skipped a week or so a couple of days at the gym, which might’ve contributed to my shopping spree. I went back today, thank god, and realized that part of my exhaustion/moodiness was the result of no exercise. I’ve become dependent on it.

Despite all of my nerves and agitation, I feel pretty good. Purpose is a lovely, necessary thing to have.

I love books. I love everything about them. The way they smell, the way they feel, the sound the pages make when you turn them. Few things please me more than a lazy morning with a book in my lap and a cup of coffee in my hand.

I’m slowly building my own library. Right now it fits on the extra shelves in my living room, but someday I’d like an entire room set aside for books. My grandmother had a makeshift library in her basement, and it was my favorite room in her house (despite the cold). I’d like mine to have comfortable chairs, a fireplace, and a lot of light.

Meanwhile, e-book sales are skyrocketing. Why buy a paperback when you can download whatever you want to your Kindle? Although it’s just as expensive to download a book as it is to buy one, without the added pleasure of being able to bury your nose in the pages. I mean, I guess a person could sniff their Kindle screen, but computers don’t really have a scent.

I’m not just a lover of stories, I’m a lover of BOOKS. Actual paper and binding books. And it will break my heart when everyone has a Kindle. Barnes & Noble is already reporting a decline in sales. I worry that eventually real books will become obsolete (while environmentalists do cartwheels). And THEN what will I do?

I can tell you this much: I will not be buying a Kindle. Ever. Maybe that makes me old-fashioned or snobby or possibly even ignorant, and I don’t care.

Sixty years from now when the world looks like something from a Jetsons cartoon, I’ll be pulling a battered copy of Wuthering Heights from a shelf. And my blinds will be closed.

In the office earlier today:

Me: Turns on AC.
Boss: “Turn that thing off.”
Me: “It’s hot in here! Aren’t you hot?”
Boss: “I’m allergic to air conditioning.”
Me: …………
Boss: “I am.”
Me: “Uh-huh. Okay. You know it just circulates cold air, right?”
Boss: Gives me dirty look.
Me: “So you’re allergic to air? Because…that would be bad. Seeing as air? Is pretty much everywhere in the world, all the time.”
Boss: Leaves office.

Don’t worry, I won’t be getting fired. My boss loves me, despite my smart-assed nature. And my tendency to point out the obvious. Maybe I should have made him feel a bit better by suggesting dust or pollen as a reasonable alternative? Nah.

I went to the library today in search of more reading material (because really, there can never be enough) and found a book called I’m No Monster: The Horrifying True Story of Josef Fritzl, by Stefanie Marsh & Bojan Pancevski. Actually I found several, but when I slid that one across the counter the librarian looked up with alarm on her face and said, “I should warn you – only four people have checked out this book, and three brought it back without finishing it. Apparently the things he did are just awful, and very detailed.”

If you know me, you know I was indulging in a mental eye-roll. First: I have never NOT finished a book. Ever. I’m incapable. Second, she just gave a mild case of curiosity a big boost. I HAVE to know what’s in that book, and right away.

Other books I checked out:
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, by Robert M. Pirsig
Shattered Silence – The Untold Story of a Serial Killer’s Daughter, by Melissa G. Moore & M. Bridget Cook
Tears in the Darkness: The Story of the Bataan Death March and it’s Aftermath, by Michael Norman & Elizabeth M. Norman

I might’ve been in a slightly morbid frame of mind while I was looking. What memorable books have you read lately?

1. Not biting my nails. I’ve been trying to quit for a couple of years months, but without success. Whenever I get stressed or bored or absent-minded, I start gnawing on them. It’s gross. I want pretty, polished nails. Nails I don’t have to be ashamed of on dates.

2. Eating less.

3. Staying away from people who are bad for me, or who treat me poorly. You might be thinking, “Duh!” but in all seriousness? Removing someone from your life, particularly if they’ve been part of it for years and years, is HARD.

4. Saving money. I want a nice, padded savings account so that if things go to hell financially I’ll be secure. Sadly I also want food and clothing and shelter. Stupid bills. Stupid insurance premiums (which just went up, by the way). I’m making plans to quit eating out so much and to quit randomly buying stuff (namely books) from Amazon – that should help a lot.

5. Having enough discipline to sit down and stay focused on writing my damn book. I need to quit with all the distractions and just make myself do it.

The new year, summarized:

* I’ve been completely obsessed with The Millennium series by Stieg Larsson. I read “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo” and then instantly moved on to the second book, and after finishing that in less than a day was outraged to discover that the third installment isn’t expected until May 25th of this year. I want an advance copy!

* I’ve been working out pretty regularly, which is a nice change from my usual couch-potato habits. I’m alternating cardio and weight training, which is slowly toning various parts. The number on the scale stubbornly remains the same, but I LOOK tighter, which makes me want to bend over in various public places. Kidding. (Sort of).

* It’s been snowing nonstop for about two days, and this morning I was mildly worried about being able to get out of my driveway without the aid of a plow. Fortunately I made it to the post office and the library with minimal fuss, and my neighbor mentioned using his four wheeler to clear my driveway tomorrow. Whew.

* We hired a new employee at my office, who will hopefully turn out better than the last one – not that it would be hard, considering what a waste of valuable oxygen HE is. Another body also means that my body can be in places OTHER than the office in the near future.

* I’ve been inexplicably lonely. So lonely that I’ve gone out of my way to be around people I usually don’t even like. Some people are better than no people, right? Or at least that seems to be my attitude in the last week or so. Normally I enjoy my own company, and can stay indoors for hours with a book or a blank Word document, but suddenly I find myself searching for companionship. I don’t really like it.

How is everyone else’s year going?

* I got an alarming message about my domain name and required payments, under threat of the site expiring. Bad timing all around.

* I renamed Archimedes. She’s Clio now, and to tell the truth she responds better to being yelled at in shorter, more concise words – like her name. Heh.

* I couldn’t find my Christmas tree or ornaments anywhere. I searched and searched, high and low, near and far. I had to buy new ones today, and luckily it wasn’t incredibly bank-breaking. Okay, it hurt a little.

* But now I’m basking in holiday spirit. My house has Christmas in every corner, nook & cranny. There’s even a zesty reindeer doormat I got last year on clearance after the season was over. I feel like an elf, but with better shoes.

* I finished my seventh complete journal. I keep a personal record, on paper, for my own sanity. (It’s theraputic). I’m ridiculously excited to start my 8th one, which is gorgeous blue & black leather. Mmm, leather.

* I found two books I’ve been dying to read at the library, NO PURCHASE NECESSARY! They were right up front, which was handy, because for someone who loves to read & write I can’t be bothered with alphabetical shelving.

* I bought a cute black sweater for my dinner date tomorrow night. It’s a turtle neck, which I would normally hate because they’re evil and constricting, but it was the only top the store had that didn’t emphasize my extra stomach flesh. I also bought a festive green t-shirt that says, “Be naughty. Save Santa a trip.” Also, saves me the trouble of being nice.

That about caps the last week.

Remember way back when, about two YEARS ago, when I mentioned that I was feeling ambivalent about religion – most specifically, the religion I was raised to believe is truth? (That would be Christianity).

I said that rather than swallow everything I’d been told as absolute, without any pesky questions, that I intended to research a variety of religions before deciding on anything. I’m finally getting around to it.

Accidentally, as it turns out.

I bought a book called ‘When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times’. I was expecting some sage advice about keeping my shit together, NOT an intriguing set of ideas from a Buddhist nun – but that’s what I got.

The book starts by encouraging intimacy with fear, because ‘fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth’. I’m not sure that’s completely true. Sometimes, fear can be a natural reaction to moving closer to a speeding vehicle, or a very high, unstable ledge. However, I understand the context to which the author is referring.

So far, the most interesting theme I’ve found is that chaos is considered joyful, a preferred state of being. (Believe me when I tell you it took me a while to wrap my small, narrow mind around THAT one). The idea is that only after everything falls apart, only after you have nothing left, do you find out who you are and what you’re really capable of. (Not exactly a NEW concept, but it was eloquently written, dammit).

Buddhism encourages people to accept things as they are – the good AND the bad – and then to let them go. Greet everything as it is, appreciate it for what it is, and then release it. This is starting to sound vaguely hokey (a recurring thought I had while reading the book), but the more I consider it the more I like it. If you just accept that bad things are bound to happen, embrace them and let them go, it doesn’t seem quite as disappointing when they do happen. (See also: cynicism).

I’m not finished with the book yet, and I’ll definitely have more thoughts/comments by then, but so far the material presented has been fascinating. Now then, I’m off to reverse all of my spiritual reflection by enjoying the third season of ‘Dexter’.

1) Road trips are worthless without the following: Sour Patch gummies & corn nuts – the original, accept no substitutes – will cover your basic sweet, sour, and salty. Water is preferable, but not as preferable as coffee. (Yes, I caved and bought a cappuccino at a gas station. I needed it. NEEDED. Anyway, one drink doesn’t mean I’ve fallen off the wagon, dammit). And an iPod, loaded with Foreigner among other things. Nothing like starting out a long trip to ‘Hot Blooded’.

2) Molly HATES Cher.

3) My ass goes numb after approximately 3 hours of non-budging.

4) Eddie’s Corner does not sell dog leashes, so if you happen to be traveling in the area with a dog but, like me, were dumb enough to forget a leash…you’re S.O.L. Although if you’re as desperate creative as I am, you will steal your best friend’s play station controller, loop it through the dog’s collar, and magically have an acceptable alternative. I recommend shameless flirting with any attractive male (especially of the construction worker variety) that dare to give you face about it. Confidence is key when you look like a lunatic.

5) One cappuccino may not be enough to keep you alert after five hours sleep. I recommend sunglasses and cruise control – no one has to know. I’m kidding! But…

6) There really ARE crazier drivers than me! There was a wide-load semi taking a sharp curve going AT LEAST seventy. Smooth move, asshole. And let’s not discuss the bitch in the minivan who kept trying to pass even though there was a string of steady traffic coming from the opposite direction. After the third time she cut someone off (thankfully she started out ahead of me and stayed that way) I was secretly hoping she’d get hit – not enough to cause a serious accident, just enough to scare her into remembering her driver’s ed classes.

I’m here, and I’m already having fun watching Molly trying to bury her rawhide in Kate’s couch. Have a great week, you guys!

Heidi invited me to her place for a barbeque, which sounds great because the weather has been great. (Except today the wind is blowing because we decided to B.B.Q.) Afterward, we’re going bowling. I love bowling. I love everything about it – the cheap-o prices, the frequently malfunctioning lanes, the shoe rental. I have recurring fantasies where I am Fred Twinkle-Toes Flinstone as I slide down the lane and heave my ball at the pins – because honestly, I am a terrible bowler and heaving is the best I can do. The pins resist, always.

The thing is, Fortune Cookie will be there. We agreed to be friends after he said he didn’t trust me enough to date me, and I meant it. I can be friends with him. And there are plenty of other people going, too, so it isn’t as though it’ll be really awkward.

And who am I kidding, even if it does turn out to be massively awkward and uncomfortable, there’s no way I’m passing up barbequed burgers. The fat girl inside of me (actually, today she’s living on the outside) would shriek madly in protest. As long as there are no sesame seed buns.

Additional things Molly has deemed worthy of destruction:
1 tube of ‘burnt umber’ oil color paint, which she got on my rented living room carpet
6 (SIX!) of my books – two were favorites and one belonged to Heidi, who had utterly no sympathy. This is when I started considering getting Molly a shock collar. I’m not sure I’m entirely okay with it, but I’m definitely sure I’m NOT okay with my books getting shredded.