I have new hair! Okay, so it’s not especially new in the sense that I wasn’t born with it, but more in the sense that it’s got great shape and color. I’m actually excited to fix it again. (Because I have no life, and have to find excitement where I can).

I’d love to post a picture, but a digital camera is one of the things I’m planning to purchase when I get my tax return, and I haven’t filed yet. Hopefully it’ll still look good when that happens, and then I’ll post so many pictures (of everything I can find) that I’ll hardly need to actually write here anymore. If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s overkill.

In case any of you have been curious as to my whereabouts (ha!) work has been a major theme. I work, I sleep, I work, and occasionally I even eat. But mostly I work. And my office isn’t interesting enough to blog about (not that such a thing would be wise anyway).

Have a happy Sunday, everyone.

I hope you all have sex and chocolate today.

And hey, while you’re at it, have some for me too. Please.

My sister has been encouraging me to have ‘the talk’ with the boy. She says we both need to know where this relationship is going. I say, why rush things? We’re both enjoying ourselves, and I’m not a big fan of serious conversation anyway. Win-win! Except Heidi is successfully married and wise, whereas I usually blurt out the most inappropriate thing to say around the opposite sex. So usually I trust her judgment in these situations.

The boy and I went to Chinese. It was delicious, as Chinese so often is. We laughed and talked (about what I honestly can’t remember, because I was nervous and gearing up to have ‘the talk’). We ate. I was waiting until we got our fortune cookies to start my lines, maybe hoping for some sort of divine guidance in the form of “proceed with caution” or “back up! for the love of GOD, back up!” Instead, I got, “You will meet a new friend.” Great. That’s helpful.

So I took a deep breath and groped for my big girl panties (figuratively speaking – in case you were wondering, my hands were on the table) and started blurting things out, which is my go-to way of dealing with heavy conversation.

Me: “So, um, I guess you deserve to know why I spent so much time dicking you around to start with.” (Can’t BELIEVE I said ‘dicking’. I don’t belong in romantic relationships).
Him: Expectant look, maybe a little half-nod.
Me: “Well, see, I usually date assholes. And you’re not one. And so I didn’t know how it would end up, and I got…basically, I’m a chicken.”
Him: Looking…smug? Amused? Understanding? (MEN SHOULD COME WITH MANUALS).
Me: “And I just wanted you to know, I’m not planning on doing that again, and, uh, I’m not seeing anyone else.”
Him: Long pause, in which he closely examines his fortune cookie. Then! “How do they make fortune cookies? Is it just a sugar cookie?”
Me (dumbfounded): “Uh…maybe they’re deep fat fried?”
Him: Abrupt change of subject. To what, I have NO idea because I was too busy thinking oh god oh god I am an IDIOT why didn’t I keep my mouth shut why didn’t he say “I’m not seeing anyone either” why did Heidi talk me into this I’M GOING TO KILL HER!

From now on? Less listening to sister, more keeping mouth firmly sealed. Quiet is good. Quiet is mysterious. Quiet never leaves people thinking, wait – did she just grab her panties?