For most of my life, I’ve felt a deep and unshakable obligation to family. SHOCKING, yes? I mean, most people value their family life. The thing is, for most of my life my relationships with my relatives have ranged from mediocre to piss poor.

I put up with much more bullshit than I should, partly because “it’s family” and partly because I was a total shit as a kid, and a part of me feels as though I should take my lumps without a word because of that.

Well, guess what? Not anymore. I’ve been a reasonable, mostly happy adult for the last five years or so. I refuse to believe that I still deserve to be punished, however indirectly, for the many indiscretions of my youth. I deserve to be treated with respect and consideration, just like anyone else.

I’ve resolved to avoid people who are assholes, or treat me poorly. I think this is a positive step in the right direction. It’s also easier said than done. A niece of mine had a birthday recently, and because of my decision to avoid her father, I didn’t attend. She’s only four and isn’t likely to remember my absence, but I felt generally crappy about the whole thing.

Nevertheless, I intend to keep avoiding the people who give me good reason. I realize how simple this sounds, how completely basic, but it’s taken me twenty-eight years to conclude that when people hurt you – even people you love, and who claim to love you – you should take measures to avoid being hurt in the future.

This might mean that I have fewer people to talk to, but I think it also means the conversations I do have will be more rewarding.